Wednesday, October 04, 2006

No time to blog

I've been to so many appointments lately I haven't had much time for blogging. I asked my boss yesterday to lower my hours. I'll be going from 4 days a week to only two. My paycheck will be almost nothing, but I just can't do it anymore. Tuesday when my five year old broke his arm was the last straw.

Neither dear heart or myself was home. Dear heart got there first and took T to the emergency. For some reason I'm still trying to figure out, they sent him home with it wrapped and said to come back in the morning. In the am, I took him back to the ortho clinic and they were also surprised that the arm hadn't been set right away.

Anyway, T has seen Chase get too many IVs so he was prepared on how he was supposed to act. . . kicking and screaming and fighting all the way, which he did with gutso and after two attempts, the nurses gave up. I kept asking them over and over, if they were going to put him out anyway, why not give him the happy juice and put the IV in while he was asleep. Please, this was not my first trip to the OR and I know my kids. Stubborn and tough as hell and with too many experiences in hospitals. It also didn't help to have 7 adults standing around in a very small room as my little guy goes balastic. One nurse even had the nerve to tell me that T needed counseling. Hello! What does she know about it? What he needs is a mother that isn't always gone, either working or at medical appointments or financial appointments and a family who is not in severe stress. Plus not having 7 strange adults watching him and holding him down to pierce needles in his arm. That's what he needs. Even if I thought he needed counseling (he's 5 people) that would just be more appointments that would further the problem.

I didn't tell her this all at the time because by then I was in tears, not over the procedure, which I'm sure they assumed. Scared mom, yadda yadda, but it was when they told me that they would do it with the juice, but couldn't schedule it until that evening or possibly the next morning, that I got emotional, I couldn't help it. I simply could not manipulate my exhausted mind around the fact that I still had to go to work in a few hours, and finish the profile for SSI medicaid, and get Chase's pulmonolgy visit completed. My mind went in a meltdown right there in front of everybody. No wonder they thought we all needed therapy.

Fortuneately the surgeon took charge, came in and told me that he rescheduled things and was going to do it right away and asked me if I could get T to drink the juice so they wouldn't have to hold him down and attempt an IV again. Then he kindly kicked all those numbskull nurses out of the room so I could calm T down. Guess what, T drank the stuff even though he didn't like it and very shortly got happy and silly and all was well. Why couldn't they have just done that in the first place?

I'll tell you, I've been going to Cook Children's Medical Center for 17 years almost every 3 months if not more. My oldest child died in my arms in that hospital and I think about that everytime I'm there, brace myself every time Chase is admitted and pray that I don't get put in that same room . . . so far we never have, but I've passed it, looked in, remembered . . . but regardless, I would tell anyone that Cooks is the greatest hospital ever and they have always managed things exceedingly well . . . except this one time. I don't know what happened, but from the start in emergency, it was mishandled badly, one thing after another, until the surgeon came on the scene then all fell into place how it should. I even got T home in time for me to go to work.

But then I worked two midnight shifts in a row and was dragging, and seeing that my children were suffering, T physcially, and my oldest boy, who I had hoped would step up to the plate, reacted the other way and has gotten beligerent and acting like he doesn't care. Or he is simply turning into a teenager. O crap, maybe we all do need counseling.

I do have some tremendously good news, but Chase's nebs just finished so I'm off to bed for now, so that will have to wait for later.


Faith said...


I was going to come drag you away this weekend and FORCE you to take a break for yourself, but I was afraid I was coming down with a cold. No way was I going to subject you to that!! Anyway, you know how much I love you guys. You're always in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there!

Anonymous said...

Interesting how rooms, smells, or even phrases trigger thoughts when you've lost a child, and had other problems....Hang in there, even when you think you are losing your mind. I'm glad you were able to reduce your at work hours. Kids need moms at home, and moms need to be home to see if that oldest boy is just a teen ager or what!!!!(I found that none of you could step up to the plate either, )Counceling wouldn't help, no one can truly know what you are going through unless they have been there themselves, and we are too worn out or busy solving problems to talk about it. So, no one could possibly understand the reasons for our meltdowns. You have the best help you could possisble recieve in the form of a very dear friend who is there to listen and support, and I'm not just talking about prayer....Thanks mom

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