Showing posts with label Chase. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Chase. Show all posts

A Short Live, A Huge Impact

Chase should be celebrating his 18th Birthday today, finishing his Senior year of High School, driving, kissing girls, thinking about college and his future.

Yet he left us 3 years ago, 24 days before his 15th Birthday. 3 years. It feels like 3 months.

I can't describe what it's like to have a terminally ill child. You've either been there and know the experience, or you haven't. There's no in-between. It's 24/7 of keeping up with treatments and medication, and driving to specialists, checking port feeds in the middle of the night, and worrying about what could go wrong whenever you step out of the house on your own for a few hours.

But there's also a closeness that's reached from spending so much time together with deep conversations that otherwise wouldn't come up. Some conversations about what's after life that no one should ever have to have with their child.  

For the record, I do believe in an after life. I believe in God, and I believe that Jesus Christ is our Savior. For me, that stuff isn't made up or just something nice to believe in that brings me comfort.

I imagine Chase in the spirit world, finally able to do the things his body wouldn't allow him, happy, at peace, not hurting, and having a wonderful time with his brother and uncles. Who needs a driver's license when you can soar at lightspeed?

So Happy Birthday Chase. Enjoy this day and know that even though we miss you so hard it hurts, your life is being Celebrated.

Love you.

Mom






September 25

Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen ~ I miss you

September, September

September 1st came and went. One friend sent flowers. My mom called a few days ahead, my sister a few days afterward, but both know me well enough to not call on that day. My daughter facebook chat asked.

My husband and sons didn't speak of it, I guess taking their clues from me. I just wanted to crawl in a hole and cry or ignore that this day even exists.

The rest of the month hasn't gotten any better--like a large inhalation, waiting to release.



Our son died a year ago on September 1st. He'd turn 16 September 25th, excited to get his driver's license that he'd never have. All his tomorrows gone~~

All I know is that time doesn't heal. It really doesn't. It just seems to get worse. Maybe we just had to get over this month. I don't know. For me, September will always be hard.